Monday, 14 April 2008

Interlude ~~~ 'Fantasy or Fact?' ~~~~ Fanzine V

Welcome to Fanzine V....
(wow 5 already! How time flies when you are having.......... fun, I suppose!)

You may have read recently on 'the phenomenon that is DP', that he has allegedly been stalked by his idol Uma Thurman.

I am totally bewildered by this revelation, as I suspect you are too dear readers. Uma stalking DP?? Surely it has always been the reverse?

If this fact is true (& pretty disturbing it would be too), then I feel it only right to point out that he only has himself to blame.

Some of you may not know this fact & I feel as Ed to the Fanzine I have responsibility to pass on all the facts as I receive them.

Many moons ago he set up a
cupboard on FuelMyBlog where his quest was to achieve the 'longest thread' once he had found it as he had lost it (something I know you may have already realised!)

During the initial stages of this 'great adventure' he established a secret laboratory, where he was conjuring up some sort of formula.

The formula was to make Uma notice him. Then they would run away together etc etc ........We all th
ought at the time it was doomed to failure, so we merely humoured him during this quest. Dabbing his fevered brow along the way when required.

I managed to hook up a secret web cam & 70s managed to get some rare stills footage of him in there.

(These images may be disturbing to some readers!)

If his recent experience is to be believed then maybe the GOG is not quite as deranged as we first thought?? & we did see Uma with a DP fanclub handbag recently at the Oscars this year!!!!! So may be, just may be, this is FACT not Fantasy???

He has been back in the laboratory, staying up late (past 21.00 hours) trying to undo this formula.
Unfortunately the web cam is not working properly
(there was a slight incident with a bunsen burner which damaged the camera not to mention DP's nostril hair!).

All was not lost, dear readers. DP's lovely secretary was passing the door on her way to having her nails done. She heard the following ghostly words & reported them immediately (she was a bit shake
n by this experience and is thinking about her position)..............

DP speaking ~ 'Eye of bass, toe of toad, a little curly hair [ginger], 2oz of sugar and a grated turnip' - a perfect recipe for a fun fuelled night out with 70's. Perhaps I'm a whorelock warlock and it is you that should be affeared!!!!!
[OK, that won't work - back t
o the drawing board.]'

Again dear Readers is this FACT or FANTASY ?

The mail sacks have been bulging at the seams these past few weeks. Obviously the fame of DP is spreading world wide at a fair rate of knots. Inevitably with such fame comes the begging letters (mostly begging him to take a long vacation where no safety net is available!); the love letters (eeeew... dear readers you really don't want the details) & the amount of underwear that is piling up, I could start my own shop!

I have chosen 2 letters from the bulging sacks, for this Fanzine. I felt that you as his fan club members should have a chance to read both simultaneously to enable you to draw your own conclusions as to their validity! FACT or FANTASY?
I am sure TG will have something to say about them too!

Dear Ms 70's
Sorry, this is a bit embarrassing.
I think that I met Daddy Papersurfer in Ibiza about 35 years ago. It's all a bit vague, what with the sangria and all.
Anyway - I was a lot younger and so was ....... he!
He used to be so good looking in them days. What a fine set of teeth.
I don't know how to say this ........but ....... well, there's a strong possibility that ...... gawd I can't.
I thought I could but even as the sands of time have passed I still can't bring myself to tell the world.
No, forget I said anything ........ really, please!
Must dash (whoosh), all the grand children are staying
[all 12 of 'em - bless every one of 'em - each of the triplets had 4 each, can you believe it!]

I have attached a photo of my children when they were babies. I carry this around in my rucksack every day so it is showing signs of wear. But I hope you can see just how lovely they are?
Regards Milly


Dear Fanzine Ed
I came across your most wonderful fanzine whilst looking for fan dancing lessons on the interweave.

Since then I have never looked back...... yes I am looking forward with some degree of excitement (which is a bit unfortunate at times as my pelvic floor ain't what it used to be!)

For many years now I have been trying to find members of my family and this is my sad tale.

I got lost on a family trip to the circus over 50 years ago. No one came to claim me so the lovely circus folk brought me up as their own.

I was taught to swallow swords, eat fire (unfortunately this lead to my big smoking habit) and to balance cardboard boxes on my head.

I have had a happy(ish) life despite not knowing what happened to my family.
I married young to a travelling sales man. He used to fondly call me his
'terrible fag ash'.

3 years ago he ran off with the bearded lady from a Romanian circus troop that joined us for our Summer season in Clacton.

I am ok about it now. I fill my time well. Recently I have taken up metal work and can make amazing things from lead (it is getting more difficult as I get older to climb on church roof's to pinch it). I recently had a couple of my pieces of work shown at a carnival in
It is just something I have always wanted to do from being a child.

Back to my family search. I know I had two brothers... twins in fact.
I believe that one of my brothers went to live in the land of maple syrup (as we circus folk fondly refer to Canada as).

A friend of mine (Frank the one armed lion tamer. It was a terrible accident. The lion wasn't very well for weeks after) found these images on the interweave. I can see my father's eyes and my mothers moustache in this photo.

Sadly, despite all my letters,
Maplesurfer has never replied.

I am almost 100% certain that Daddy Papersurfer & Maple Surfer are my brothers.
Please, please, please publish my letter.... I am hoping above all hope that one or both of them will read this and get in touch.

Attached is a recent photo of me with out my cardboard box. Can anyone see a family resemblance at all?

Thunking you in anticipation

Gertrude Poppersufferer
(address with held by Ed.)

So what you you think dear readers??


sylvie d said...

this eppisode beats Desperate Housewives! I want the film the film the film!!!
so many lives have been ruined...I wonder now it is all in the open if anyone else will come forward?
Bravo 70 this is a very fine job you are doing here.:)Keep it up!

70steen said...

Thank you Sylvie

You know the more I read Gertrudes letter I see more of a resemblance.... now isn't DPs llama called Gertrude.... I wonder why? Some deep seated memory???

Daddy Papersurfer said...

I yearn for a quiet life you know. To sit by the fire, remembering the good old days, my old mates, the smell of baby sick, why goddesses were invented, rationing, the glimpse of a stocking ...... and suddenly, after all these years ........ I'm famous!!!
Why I ask myself? because I'm brilliant sounds a lone voice that can only just be heard ...... hang on ..... I think there's an echo in here ....... oh poo!

Daddy Papersurfer said...

That Gertrude Poppersufferer is quite a looker BTW.

70steen said...

Oh Sylvie a film of Daddy Papersurfer's life ..... I wish I new how to do animations hee hee

He has appeared in some films but that is for a later Fanzine *snigger*

70steen said...

DP~ are you having a nice conversation with the echo???

I don't think Gertrude Poppersuffer could be your sister as you say she is quite a looker!!!!

Daddy Papersurfer said...

Ha de ha de ha ha ha ....... tsk

Anonymous said...

i went on a course to learn how to do animations, if only i could remember what they said instead of thinking what the lunch was going to be like..i could of helped you out there 70's.....

70steen said...

Annie ~ isn't number 2 child a bit of a whizz in this media??? You know he loves his fav Auntie!!!

Anonymous said...

he is.. and he looked very scared when i told him your were his fav aunty. he might of even whimpered..

i'll work on him.

70steen said...

just remind him of the hours I spent playing that whizzy game with him (you know the one where you battled after pulling a cord!)

Anonymous said...

i'm sure if you send the image you want animating then my boy can do it.

by the way that is almost 5 years gone by...

70steen said...

It may be 5 years but he will remember the challenge! ;-0

fracas said...

Oh my word! I have to admit, I darn near went into convulsions when I got to the end and saw the photo of Gertrude Poppersufferer. I received that in my email also! I'd thought it was a crank at first (the letter that came with my photo wouldn't open... the file was corrupted in some way) but seeing that you've received it too, the only answer that makes sense is that this is fact not fantasy!

I have to say though, she looks more than a tad younger than DP!

I do hope at some point, he decides to make the effort to be reunited with both of his siblings. It's the only right thing to do.

About those tots...

Well I suppose there's always the chance it was the Maplesurfer sibling she met in Ibiza, but I highly doubt that. We Canadians are far too considerate for him to ever have left her and the tots in the lurch like that...

{{And as for that stuff I overheard... I did save it on one of those mini-voice recorder things, so if there's ever any question of the authenticity of your fanzine, just let me know. I'd keep that news from the DP because I'm quite certain he'd stop buying me shoes and other perks of the job if he knew I was actually recording the goings on that I hear.}}

Wonderful edition dear Ed, simply wonderful!

Anonymous said...

70's you need to get a apple mac. they are by far the hopes the computer i am typing on now does not take offence..

Daddy Papersurfer said...

I would just like to say, on mature consideration .........


Anonymous said...

give it a rest DP thats the type of conversation i will have to cope with when i go back to school next week....sob

Daddy Papersurfer said...

Sorry - stats, assessments, year tutors, OFSTED, line managers etc - better?

Anonymous said...

SAT's when i darling year 6 children..bless

much better thanks coz you were talking like the adults b4. get more sense out of the kids...tee hee

70steen said...

Dear Frac ~ re Ms Poppersuffer - I am sure she is his sister ..... I imagine that when Gerty was found as a very small child she said Papersurfer but they misheard it as Poppersuffer, she doesn't speak that clearly these days either.

Great point Frac about they could be Maplesurfers off spring it never crossed my mind... maybe you could find out if Maple spent time in Ibiza during the swinging 60s??

{{great stuff you have the tape in a secret place}}

The more I read this stuff the more sense it makes factually

70steen said...

don't let me interrupt the Annie / DP chat room ........ hee hee

Daddy Papersurfer said...

'The more I read this stuff the more sense it makes factually'

I believe the on-line expression is WTF!!!!

70steen said...

rofl :-D

Anonymous said...

everytime i see that picture of gert, i want to start smoking again.

70's, stop it , folk are talking to me now i'm not invisable anymore.....who said that?

70steen said...

No don't strat smoking again you are doing so well

You have only yourself to blame .... you commented on here hee hee

It is DPs 12 month blog Birthday today there is a party at his place

Anonymous said...

i know i looked at it before, its going down well like the titanic....just joking DP.

there's not a lot gets past me....what was that zooooooommmmm.

mines a very large vodka if he's buying.

70steen said...

Twister is out now!!!!!!!

Daddy Papersurfer said...

Need a light Annie? - tee hee

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

These fanzines just keep getting better & better! So informative! Gosh...for a guy with no teeth, pea brain, & a pegleg (just to name a few of his many special characteristics)....DP sure gets (got?) around! I'm impressed!!!

Anonymous said...

DP-stop it, it gets harder the further i get away from stopping.......oh no there is gert again.

twister...ace can i have a go??

you throw the best parties, DP..

70steen said...

Olga ~ I know 'skeletons in the cupboard' springs to mind.
I wonder what else will be revealed about DP as the Fanzine progresses.
Ah the perils of fame lol :-)

70steen said...

Annie ~ be careful with Twister & remember your pelvic floor (no giggling) *snigger*

Daddy Papersurfer said...

Annie peed herself?!?!? - good grief

70steen said...

hee hee you are in soooo much trouble

Anonymous said...

hey, i have only just spotted this, i did not pee myself, and someone has got a big mouth 70's...

i maybe a woman of maturiing years but i don't pee myself....i'll be back in a minute..need the loo...

Daddy Papersurfer said...

Hope you made it in time ...... *sound of tap running in front of a waterfall*

Tricia said...

Great work.

70steen said...

Hi Tricia
Welcome to 70s and thank you....